mustache_rangers_and_the_planet_of

Come on now. Your donations help the museum stay open for others to enjoy!\n\n[[What part of "no" don't you understand?|I6]]\n[[Fine, whatever. You pay the stupid donation.|H6]]\n

You grab the closest painting and run out the exit. As you get further from the pink museum, your love for the painting lessens. It's just a knight eating some celery while watching a monster truck race. What were you thinking? It's actually really ugly.\n\n[[You're already a thief. Might as well keep stealing.|J1]]\n[[Bring the painting back to the museum.|J2]]\n

It has been a long trip. 24 years, in fact, to get from Space Base 47 to the Planet of Moods. You rub the sleep from your eyes and stare out of the porthole of your rocket ship. What was your rocket ship's name again?\n\n[[Shippy|A1]]\n[[Go Machine|A2]]\n[[Beverly|A3]]\n

You're stuck in a loop! Quite being stuck in a loop!\n\n[[Okay!|L1]]\n[[No!|K1]]\n

You make it back to your ship, which has turned into an old man. Or there is an old man standing where your ship once stood.\n\n[[Shove the old man out of the way.|I3]]\n[[Hug the old man.|I3]]\n

You decide to live in the museum the rest of your life. But a year later the museum kicks you out for forgetting your anniversary. Now you're stranded on an alien world. You shouldn't have sold your rocket ship so you'd have money for all those museum dates.\n* Remembering Things Will Make People Like You. * - THE END

You push your emergency tuna salad sandwich gel button and a rancid ooze blasts into your helmet. How long had you been asleep? A million years! Your tuna gel expired ten years ago! Trapped in a swirl of past due fish, you collapse and never wake up.\n* Always Check the Expiration Date. * - THE END

Turning around seems like a hassle. You begin running in the direction you're already facing. You're running so fast the wind is stinging your eyes! You shut them and keep running. Of course, you run into something.\n\n[[Open your eyes and see what you hit.|H8]]\n[[Keep your eyes closed and keep running.|H9]]\n

You spin around and head...that way. Putting one foot in front of the other, you walk towards nothing in particular. Eventually, you find a pink museum.\n\n[[Pay a donation to enter the pink museum.|H6]]\n[[Skip the donation and enter the pink museum.|H7]]\n

You spray tears from your eyes, in an attempt to drown the laughing dudes. Did you forget you were wearing a helmet? You did, didn't you? You shouldn't have forgotten that. You drown in your own tears.\n* If Only You Were Part Shark, Like Your Brother * - THE END

You enter the blue house, leaving the dudes to make fun of something else. Inside, the house is painted black. You fall to the floor unconscious. You only wake up when the blue house and black room are blown over by a purple tornado.\n\n[[Get back to your ship.|H4]]\n[[Get something to eat.|H5]]\n

Maybe you don't know how space suits look like. You have a big bubble around your head that protects you from outside things.\n\n[[Stop talking and start smashing!|H3]]\n[[Fine, I'll use my feet!|G1]]\n

You kick the red tower, smashing into thousands of angry red butterflies who begin attacking you!\n\n[[Touch their wings!|H1]]\n[[Run to the green hardware store!|H2]]\n

In a fit of envious rage, you tear the wings off one thousand butterflies and use them to create your own giant butterfly wings! Pushing off from the Planet of Moods, you enter the air and soar majestically. This is amazing! Why didn't you try this before? As you soar skyward, you realize you don't know how to fly down. You throttle through the Planet of Mood's upper atmosphere into vacuum of space. It'd be beautiful, if you didn't stop breathing 10 minutes ago.\n* I Didn't Even Need Wings To Fly! The Gravity Was Really Low. Sorry Butterflies. * - THE END

You approach the old man and bump into something. It isn't an old man at all! It's a mirror! You're the old man! You've been asleep for one million years! You don't know how to feel. All the colors on the planet have eroded away. You have become more beard than man.\n* You Were Fired From The Mustache Rangers. Ne Beards, Old Man! * - THE END

You take out your trusty comb and run it through your luxurious hair. The butterflies, now jealous of your hazelnut follicles, attack and remove all of your hair. Without a mustache, you are fired from the Mustache Rangers. Also, your ship explodes for some reason. Now you're stuck on the Planet of Moods.\n* You Move Into The Yellow Oil Refinery and Are Happy For the Rest of Your Life * - THE END

You wear the presidential sash, stealing the identity of the old president. However, he was in the middle of impeachment hearings. You are impeached for taking bribes from the Mood companies and forced to resign the presidency.\n* At Least You Passed That Healthcare Reform Bill. Or Was That the Other Guy? * - THE END

You never said "no." You were all, like, "skip the donation already. I'm mean and don't think art is worth money."\n\n[["Okay! Okay! I'll pay the donation."|H6]]\n[["You didn't say that!"|J3]]\n

That's right! Shippy! Named after your first dog that was named Shippy. As Shippy (the rocket ship) begins its descent to the Planet of Moods, your guts begin to feel like sick butterflies. This is your first space mission as a Mustache Ranger and you don't want to mess it up! Uh oh! You hear a loud beeping noise!\n\n[[Check it out.|B1]]\n[[Ignore it. It's probably nothing.|B2]]\n

That's right! Beverly! Named after your first grade teacher's girlfriend who was named Beverly . As Beverly (the rocket ship) begins its descent to the Planet of Moods, your guts begin to feel like sentient jelly. This is your first space mission as a Mustache Ranger and you don't want to mess it up! Uh oh! You hear a loud bang!\n\n[[Look into it.|B1]]\n[[Pretend you didn't hear anything.|B2]]\n

That's right! Go Machine! Named after your fire breathing robot that was named Go Machine. As Go Machine (the rocket ship) begins its descent to the Planet of Moods, your guts begin to feel like hungry baby birds. This is your first space mission as a Mustache Ranger and you don't want to mess it up! Uh oh! You hear a loud screeching noise!\n\n[[See what it is.|B1]]\n[[Keep looking out the porthole.|B2]]\n

The Mustache Rangers and the Planet of Moods

You come upon a sign that reads "Stay Out! Monsters with Knives!" What a weird sign to have on your ship. This sign can't possibly be real, can it?\n\n[[Keep going. Signs aren't the boss of you.|D1]]\n[[Heed the sign and "stay out."|B2]]\n

Who knows what the atmosphere on the Planet of Moods is like? You put on your protective gear, to be safe. It takes 30 minutes, but it will be worth it. Finally, you are ready for the outside. You exit your ship and find yourself on a planet of vibrant colors.\n\n[[Go back inside. You've seen enough.|F1]]\n[[Head towards a tower of red.|F2]]\n[[Walk to the house of blue.|F3]]\n

With nothing on but your space shorts, you leap from the airlock into the waiting alien atmosphere! Taking a deep breath, you find your lungs filled with oxygen scented with a lovely hint of pine and citrus.\n\n[[Head North!|F4]]\n[[Head South?|F4]]\n[[Head East.|F4]]\n[[Head West...|F4]]\n

You don't know what the punishment is for knocking out the president of a planet, but no one can punish you if they don't know what happened! You throw the president's body into the volcano. When the president's body hits the magma it begins to rain! The Planet of Moods hasn't had rain for three years! The president must have been a virgin. But you can't take the credit for it, because that would be admitting to murder.\n* On The Bright-side, The Punishment For Running Into the President Would Have Been Death * - THE END

As your feet take you closer to the tower of red, you begin to become angry. Before you know it, you're stomping your feet and gritting your teeth. Who does this tower of color think he is?\n\n[[Kick the tower of red.|G1]]\n[[Smash the tower with a powerful head-butt.|G2]]\n

Nearing the blue house, you begin to cry. Some dudes, standing near the orange ballet studio, being to make fun of you for crying.\n\n[[Go inside and sleep.|G3]]\n[[Cry on them.|G4]]\n

"Tell it to the judge," says the guy dressed like a fox/duck! He was a cop in disguise and followed you to your ship! You are sentenced to 100 years of hard labor. Two years for each painting. After you get out of jail, you have forgotten how to do things without being told to do them. You die from lack of sleep, food, and yard time.\n* Don't Steal Things. That Guy Might Be a Cop! * - THE END

You break the cycle and quit looping, which causes the universe to become unstable and explode.\n* Never Leave a Loop. Didn't They Teach You Anything in School? * - THE END

Someday you'll finish this crossword puzzle. It has only been 23 years since you started. What's a thirteen letter word for "lazy?"\n\n[[Lackadaisical|D2]]\n[[Tired!|D3]]\n

That was fun. Your ship takes off from the Planet of Moods and heads back to Earth. You die in your sleep one week before you make it back. Your unmanned rocket slams into the Grand Canyon, blowing it up and ruining it for everyone.\n* I'm Sorry I Died, Postcard Industry * - THE END

You open your eyes and see the president of the Planet of Moods. You knocked him out cold. But wouldn't you know it, he looks just like you!\n\n[[Take the sash that says "President" and wear it.|I7]]\n[[Throw him into the volcano that he stopped you from running into.|I8]]\n

Whatever you ran into was trying to warn you about the volcano. So, you run into a volcano. Really, now. Running with your eyes closed?\n* It Was a Poor Decision, You Admit That Now! * - THE END

The Planet of Moods doesn't have a magnetic core, it is noon, and there is no moss. You have no idea which direction is which.\n\n[[Spin around ten times and walk that way.|G5]]\n[[Whatever direction you're facing is fine.|G6]]\n

Then what are you doing with all those paintings?\n\n[[Holding them for a friend.|L2]]\n[[I honestly don't know.|L2]]\n

You book it to the green hardware store, looking for a tool to battle the butterflies. As you draw closer, you become filled with envy. Why can butterflies fly and not you?\n\n[[Hey, yeah! That isn't fair!|I1]]\n[[Let the butterflies have their wings. You have awesome hair!|I2]]\n

You head-butt the red tower, cracking your helmet open like an egg. Luckily, there is plenty of oxygen to breath. "That is lucky." But, unluckily, the puce moose that has been following you since you left the ship chooses this moment to attack you with kisses. "Oh no!" Luckily, you fall in love and have lots of children and die of old age.\n* That Was Unexpectedly Pleasant * - THE END

You frantically touch the wings of the attacking butterflies! But butterflies don't really die when you touch their wings. That was just a myth! The butterflies take you prisoner and put you in the Angry Butterfly National Zoo. You are the least popular exhibit.\n* Why Did You Lie To Me About Butterflies, Mom And Dad? * - THE END

Upon entering the pink museum, you fall in love with everything you see! The paintings, the statues, the guy sitting in a puddle dressed like a fox/duck. You must have them all.\n\n[[Steal everything and bring it back to the rocket ship.|I4]]\n[[Move into the museum.|I5]]\n

Returning to your ship, you place the ugly horrible stolen painting in the cargo hold. In the cargo hold, you find fifty versions of the same painting. What is happening? Have you been stealing the same painting over and over again?\n\n[[Yes!|K1]]\n[[No!|K2]]\n

You go back into the museum and hang the painting back up on the wall. It was wrong to steal. But you, once again, find yourself in love with everything at the museum.\n\n[[Steal everything and bring it back to the rocket ship.|K3]]\n[[Move into the museum.|K4]]\n

I'm paraphrasing. "Did you just refer to yourself in the first person?" you think out loud. Whoops! This story is over!\n\n* Never Point Out That the Creator of the Universe Has Made a Mistake. * - THE END

Twirling your well manicured mustache (you have a mustache), you head towards the source of the racket. The sound is emanating from the creepy hallway you've never been down. Do you want to keep going?\n\n[[Keep going! Hallways don't scare you!|C1]]\n[[You're a scared baby you likes baby things.|B2]]\n

It was probably nothing. Well, it was probably something. You heard a noise afterall. But you're going to pretend like it was nothing. Your ship begins to shake uncontrollably as it nears the planet's surface!\n\n[[It must be that noise! Check it out!|B1]]\n[[Stay put and pretend to do a crossword puzzle.|C2]]\n

Aric McKeown

You sure know which word has thirteen letters in it! It fits! Your crossword puzzle is finally completed! Your family will be so proud of you. And just in time! Your ship has stopped shaking and has landed on the Planet of Moods.\n\n[[Put on your space suit and tie.|E1]]\n[[It's time for adventure, not dress-up!|E2]]\n

It fits! But there are eight spaces left over. You'll just put "aardvark" in there. Done! And just in time! The ship has stopped shaking and has landed on the Planet of Moods.\n\n[[Put on your space suit.|E1]]\n[[No time for suits! Jump out the airlock in your shorts!|E2]]\n

You are stabbed to death by, like, twenty monsters. Didn't you read the sign? At least your pieces will feed monster babies. So not everything went horribly wrong. Just most things.\n* You Will Obey All Signs Next Time * - THE END